Here We Go...
The journey continues... Another week has passed… and he still hasn’t logged into the 23 and me website. I’m left not knowing if my message was received, if my email was never seen or the worst case… he’s just not interested.
The fact that he hasn’t logged in makes me lean toward he hasn’t seen it. Could be wishful thinking, I’m aware.
My dear friend, Steve asked, “What now?”
My hard truth… maybe nothing. But then I thought, am I really willing to give up when there is a chance he still doesn’t even know I’m here. At a chance he still doesn’t know I was born?
I have to at least confirm he’s aware of my existence before letting that dream go.
Sooo… both Joy and I hit google. Hard. There are a few men with his exact name in California. No one his correct age was popping up.
We checked Instagram. Then Facebook. No matches coming up. I began to think maybe he registered on 23 and me as a different name. I would understand why… having a curiosity but not knowing who would surface. I have similar thinking… could be because we’re related. (Winky face)
Steve asked again, “What now?”
I didn’t know.
Steve asked what his name was. I told him. Within 5 minutes I got a text. It was a screen shot with my first cousin’s cell phone number and a mention of 2 of his relatives.
Me: Wait. What?... How?
Steve: White pages. (Keep it simple)
I immediately texted Joy.
Her response: NO BLEEPING WAY!!! HOW?!?!?! (She really didn’t write “bleeping”)
Naturally, Joy and I went back on Facebook. We looked up his relatives. The first was his mom. I immediately noticed… Red hair, blue eyes.
Listed as the top three of her friends was my first cousin. I clicked on his page. His picture looking exactly like his 23 and me pic.
Now, what? Text or FB message? Calling feels too invasive, especially if my messages have been seen… Here we go again…
Do I leave a message explaining who I am, my adoption, my reasoning for reaching out… which is crazy because I didn’t want to do that at the beginning. But now, knowing this might be my only chance to connect, feeling the need to emotionally vomit to him on the page. While, at the same time, being able to see it on FB if he has read the message. Answering the question if he is interested or not.
Or do I text explaining who I am and how I got his info? Which feels like it would be too much. Especially in the case that he has seen my email, ignored it or is not ready, and now I’m blowing up his phone. If the truth is he isn’t interested, I want to respect that. ALSO… once I text, he will have my digits. Meaning, if he does reach out, he could call at any time. Which makes me nervous and like I won’t be prepared for that call. I can just imagine the anxiety every time the phone rings... Wanting to lunge for my cell at each tone.
We decided to check 23 and me one more time to see if he has logged in before sending any message to give us an idea if he has seen it. He still hadn’t. But what I did notice is I had three new relatives sharing my DNA added to my "family tree" since Tuesday. Now, there are options.
My decision… Facebook message.
Joy asked what I would say… I began speaking as I typed. Something happened as I wrote the words “I’m adopted”. I broke down. Sharing that fact to a family member, a peer, that wasn’t, that stayed with the family I lost, was owning a reality. I don’t know my family. Or where I came from. I don’t know my ancestors yet they still live inside me. Their journeys, their decisions, their trials and tribulations, their successes, are all the reason I am here. Their blood runs through me, yet I don’t know who they are. But I feel them. I miss them.
So, I pressed send…
We will see… and I’ll keep you posted…