There are things I have never gotten over
Some things I don't share,
Haunting feelings inside
Some memories that refuse to subside.
That creep up from time to time
Not invited, unannounced
Like a tiger in the weeds, ready to pounce
To take over my current moment
And refuse to let go
Always lurking in the shadows
Reminding me what festers below
Feeding on the fears I have let lead
At times crushing me like a hungry stampede
Whose savage urge is impossible to feed
Feeling weak against its power, its strength
Trying to deny it, avoid it, ad nauseam, at great length
Me refusing to be its victim
Keep running or try to predict him
When he’ll jump or keep up with his pace
Instead, wrestled this emotion back in its place
Refusing to let it run me from my current space
I choose to stare back at the predator, face to face.
Going into the weeds to greet him, not blend in
Finding a spot for us both to coexist in
Eye to eye
As the storm swarms by.
Letting the winds of change blow past me
Without spreading to other parts
To not effect my goals, my choices, what's in my heart.
Instead of owning how it begun
Changing the future and what can be done
For I can be the decider of my own destiny,
Not this tiger who lays in front of me
Instead of running from what I fear
Or scared of what dangers lurk near,
Instead of feeding it my grief, having a change of heart
Beautifying the past into an art
Realizing I am not the pain, but it does play a part
In who I am and what I choose to be
I can remove the shackles and transform to be free.
For I am not caught
This doesn't have to be a battle or something I've fought
To join the tiger instead of run or hide
Realizing he is not a monster, just a sliver I carry inside.
Changing the shape into beauty from the pain
Another perception is what I gain
Another outlook, another form
Instead of struggle, an artist is born
We can exist together within the weeds
In the difficult places, But changing how I see
Like a kaleidoscope of splinters into a rainbow of peace
A kaleidoscope I hold up into the light of the sky for a peak
For it is as real as I,
This tiger in my minds eye
Both of us wild, both of us raw.
I reach out my trembling hand to grip its nervous paw
Knowing we must live together,
In the sunshine as well as the thunder
Instead of using the past as bait,
Both morphing, changing, to collaborate
In this body, within this soul,
Viewing my world in the wild instead of a black hole
I am not the pain,
Only a time I spent in the weeds
A creativity it now sparks and feeds
A place I get to visit instead of a life I led
Creating a story instead of a dread
Free to exist as it is
No longer avoiding, now curious, something of an allure
The living thing inside me,
The art I conjure,
Focusing on the beauty instead of the war
The pain will no longer devour me,
Now that I have sat with this tiger, and seen what I have endured
For it has changed me.
It is the way I view my pain that is my cure
Triumph