I had a shadow I used to run from
One I couldn't battle, I couldn't over come
Seeing its darkness
Feeling its overwhelm
It seemed to surround me.
Its power profound
I ran behind walls, into alleys and underground
Hoping not to be seen, never be found
If I could only out run this part of me
I could survive, maybe set free
No one could see where I go or where I chose to hide
Thinking I was safer turning a blind eye
A life drained of color, a life I couldn't feel
A life I took a backseat and let the shadow take the wheel
Where I suffocated and refused the light in
A place that transformed into cold
Where the shadow only seemed to grow
Where the fear seemed to take hold
While I hid in the darkness,
Comforted by being alone
The walls began to close in on me.
Although I made it my new home,
Where I existed was in the unknown.
I looked around to see nobody
Except the shadow that still hovered next to me
Where it lingered, haunted, waited
Feeding the chill it had formulated
I found myself missing the sun, the feel of another's touch,
I realized the darkness had become my crutch
A hiding place the two of us suddenly outgrew
No longer a place I chose, only a place I withdrew
While running from the darkness of my shadow,
I had imprisoned myself
A masquerade into camouflage,
Had somehow morphed into sabotage
I looked up, and saw a sliver of sunlight in my view,
Against the grey wall I sat next to.
I lifted my finger to touch it.
To feel its warmth.
As I stuck my finger into the ray of the sun,
The shadow of my finger met my flesh becoming one
Connected for a moment, against the wall
The light, my shadow, my finger, us all
I pulled my finger back with curiosity
Watching the shadow disappear at the same rate before me
While feeling the remnants of warmth on my skin
I looked back at the grey wall, at the sliver of light mysteriously let in
At the place where both warmth and shadow met
And touched me in a way I wouldn't forget
Noticing my fear while enjoying the heat
I stood from the floor,
In the darkness of the shadows then out of the door
I walked into the light of the sunshine.
Gazing up into the blue sky
Feeling the rays above.
Seeing all I had ran from, what I had given up
I turned around to see my shadow following me.
I turned to face it instead of run.
There, under the direct light of the sun,
I saw how small my shadow had become
Standing toe to toe,
I saw it shrink, or did I grow?
I looked down at it on the ground, at my feet
Seeing it look back up at me from the concrete
I realized it did not chase me
As long as I didn't run
It only followed when I walked out into the sun
Yearning for the light and also the heat
As much as I needed, it too wanted to seek
It wasn't something to fear any longer
It was I who needed to grow stronger
Strong enough to face it
To acknowledge, to see,
It wasn't an enemy, just merely a part of me.
Sometimes big, sometimes small,
Sometimes a companion, sometimes it all
Both in light and in dark
A powerful piece of me
A piece I didn't have to hide
Just notice it for what it is
Both in the world and inside
It was nothing I had to outpace
My shadow was a part of me I only had to face
It was the running that made me misplaced